Alice Found The Rabbit Hole Before She Found Tango

One whom I can only guess as a “Tango Purist” recently criticized me, rather harshly, for the content of this blog.

Today I smiled when it occurred to me that the critic was indeed correct in one particular observation within what could be viewed in it's entirety as a laundry list rant.

I wanted to remove the comment, which contains hateful slurs and profanity, just as I would help paint over graffiti on the side of my local community center.

I felt that it does not serve us to see messages of sarcasm and hate when they are already so available to us each night on the evening news and in other forms in daily life.

Then, a teacher I respect a great deal made another comment which taught me a valuable lesson about bringing light into the shadows so we can illuminate our differences, and hopefully rise above personal agenda to embrace one another in all of our human-foible-glory.

My intention here is to promote and inspire healing, growth, love, insight, acceptance, connection, humor, and love... "The Greatest is Love."

This blog is not as much about Tango itself, as it is about one woman’s observations of life through an individual lens, strongly colored by loves of philosophy, various wisdom traditions, psychology, relationships, and Argentine Tango with the metaphors it reveals about living and personal growth.

“Tango Down The Rabbit Hole” is as much about Tango as “The Legend of Bagger Vance” is about golf; that's the point... see?

=)

It’s tough for me to say when this venture began since it feels as if it began centuries ago. From John 1:1-2 of The New Testament of The Bible, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.”

Whenever this journey Down The Rabbit Hole began for me, one stop along the way, before I’d even heard of Argentine Tango, was at a lovely space called The Center For Positive Living in Charlotte, NC.

One evening I had the opportunity to share some thoughts about this and that in a lovely exchange with one of the most Gracious audiences I’ve ever met.

Here is a small snippet from that evening. I hope you enjoy it.

Love,
Leela

Grace and Loving the Dance of Life

At the end of a life, what did it all mean?

Was it about attaining an unattainable idea of perfection, or in seeing the perfection in the unfolding of our imperfect lives?

I will never win an Olympic Gold medal in swimming, but I love to jump in the pool and enjoy the sensation of cool water kissing my skin.

It would be a tragedy for me to deny myself the pleasure of swimming, simply because I’m no Michael Phelps.

The same is true for my expression of Argentine Tango.

I love to dance; love the Milonga; love the music, the embrace, and the presence I feel of being in The Now, when I listen to my partner and follow to the best of my ability in a given moment.

There are those who dance to attain perfection of motion. They want to be “the best”, and I love to watch them dance. It is amazing to see world-class performers in action. It takes my breath away, and I give them due applause.

There are those who dance simply to find connection. They are less interested in innovative footwork than in an exchange of energy, which brings them a deeper understanding of themselves.

Sometimes the two desires are one and Tango is allowed to move at full throttle. This is magic!

For a time, I was feeling a self-imposed pressure to attain “perfection” with Tango. I danced nearly every night and became obsessed with my growth.

I wanted to be “good enough” to dance with all of the best leads.

I became judgmental of my current level of development and thought, “I just need to work harder; be more dedicated; improve!”

Then one night I had the pleasure of experiencing GRACE in action as I was dancing with an advanced leader who could dance circles around me, if he had chosen to do so.

I was having an “off night” to begin with, and our pairing was uneven, to say the least.

He moved swiftly and precisely with an easy flow of motion, while I was stumbling, sluggish, and leaning too much for him to have any real freedom of movement.

I began to tense-up. Judge. Worry. Fear.

But anytime I stumbled or made a misstep, he playfully sang, “wheeeeee” in my ear, as if we were on a ride at an amusement park.

This made me laugh and helped facilitate self-forgiveness, and a release from the grip of self-judgment.

The Grace he offered was a gift, which reminded me that the journey of development is fun, and judgment has no place in the process.

This is not to be confused with assessment, which IS necessary when developing a craft. What I am referring to is a tearing down of one’s self and others. It serves no one.

I might never become a world class Tanguera, but I so enjoy the journey, the music, and the friendships I am making in the process of my growth, and there is a kind of beautiful perfection in this realization.

As in Tango, so it is in Life.

I am far from perfect. There are plenty who could attest to this fact.

I make mistakes, stumble, fall, cry, mourn, shake my fists at the heavens at times, and ask, “WHY….?”

Then I hear Spirit sing a playful song, “Wheeeeee,” and remember that the joy of living is not in having a “perfect life,” but in being love and embracing the moment with all of it’s imperfect perfection.

Dancing with the Shadow

In the Tango of Life, we dance in and out of the roles of student and teacher, leader and follower, all with much to share - all with much to learn.

The Rabbit Hole only goes down as far as we are willing to let ourselves venture.

We are given opportunities to experience moments of true valor, recognizing that we are the heroes of our own story. We pull ourselves up out of the mire and muck and consciously choose to stand in the fire of our own evolution.

If we are ever to rise from the ashes, we must first burn.

We also have the choice, along the path; to slow down our own progress by playing it safe and shutting down to personal growth, which is perfectly understandable and necessary for “self preservation” at times.

Hiding feels comfortable; good for a while, but our issues always have a way of showing up and asking us to dance, and sooner or later, if we want change in our life experience, we will accept the invitation.

At some point we will be confronted by the darkness, which for many of us has been keeping us from living our most spectacular life.

We’ve all heard that “it takes two to tango,” and if life is a Milonga, one dance partner who has much to teach us is our own Shadow Side.

The Shadow Self has been asking me to dance for days, and I’ve been avoiding the cabaseo of familiar childhood wounds, which are demanding to be recognized and healed.

It seems much easier to avoid the pain by looking away from the shadow, than to lock eyes and move toward the mirror of self-discovery.

Carl Jung said, “That which we resist, persists,” and The Shadow Side can only be denied a dance for so long.

Eventually, if we want our lives to improve, we must deal with our own darkness.

It is easy to blame others when things go awry. We can point, accuse and blame, but at the end of the day, if we want our lives to improve, we must acknowledge the role we have played in the unfolding of our own story.

The victim archetype is persistent in its demand to be heard, and for years, I identified with the role. It was easy, since I felt “victimized” as a child.

There was abuse, which colors the way I view the world, and there were bright and shining moments that contribute to my joi de vie. I think this must be true for everyone.

To confront the shadow side is to loosen the grip of our internal cogs and move more freely into our best life, but the only way to do this is acknowledge the cabaseo, bravely take The Shadow's hand, and accept the invitation to dance.

The Trouble with NOW...

... is later.
Every action has consequences.

Rabbit Hole Paradox: Nothing is Permanent but NOW, which is infinite.

Sometimes the seeker feels like Alice tumbling down a Rabbit Hole that seems to have no bottom.

The thirst for understanding and insight appears to be unquenchable and, at times, exhausting.

As soon as we are given another piece of the puzzle, and the picture we see expands, we go rooting around in the box lid for another piece, like a 6 year old that can’t wait to see the “whole picture” unfold.

It has just occurred to the Argentine Tango dancing, Rabbit Hole tumbling traveler that she has been seduced by a Siren’s call.

She is startled by the thought that her desire for MORE understanding is really no different than a power hungry politician or CEO’s lust for MORE POWER… MORE CONTROL… MORE… you name it.

The quest for understanding may appear to be a more ‘NOBLE’ path than the aforementioned to fellow seekers on a “Spiritual Journey,” but that is, pardon me for putting it plainly, Bullshit; beautiful Bullshit, but Bullshit never the less.

In truth, we are all on a “Spiritual Path” whether or not we acknowledge it by name.

Why do we need MORE answers when the only real thing is, in fact, this Present Moment?

We are looking for a sense of permanence so we can feel, if even for a moment, secure.

In truth, the only thing we can be certain of in this life is… NOW.

There is no guarantee or “security” other than NOW.

There is nothing permanent about life except the NOW we are given.

The money, the fame, the lover, the friends, the business, the pet, the career, the gadgets, the kids, the house, the car, the spouse; the very breath we breathe… are impermanent.

It’s true.

Anyone who has survived a natural disaster, a painful breakup, been fired, lost a child, lived at all, knows this.

Each of us has had experience with the loss of something we once viewed as “permanent.”

There is nothing permanent about life except NOW, which exists with or without our awareness of its Divine Presence.

We complicate our lives by needing MORE success, MORE control, MORE self-actualization, MORE answers.

We choose self-imposed labels for ourselves to find MORE meaning and a false sense of permanence.

The comforting news for Alice; to find respite from the queasy feeling of free falling down the bottomless Rabbit Hole of self-inquiry, all we have to do is STOP and be NOW.
It is interesting that we need so many tools to find something so simple, but that is the way of humanity at this time in our development =).

Alice is tired and wants to sleep a while, but before she does, will list a FEW of the keys she’s been given along the way, just in case she dies before she wakes, which sometimes happens with people.

Thank you, from my depths, to The Sage who continues to inspire.

The following are some of the Integral tools for my path. Enjoy.

Ken Wilber and Integral Naked A one stop shop for yummy goodness.

The Sedona Method Best pain-killer on the market.

The Enneagram Institute Can’t say enough about it. It's transformational.

Genpo Roshi - Big Mind Big Heart Watch the Big Mind Movie even if it makes you fidget and yawn.

AND… The Stuart Davis Show!!! Cuz we all need FUN!!
Check out the pilot episode.

I like to watch this show when my head hurts from thinking too F-ing much! Or when I just want to laugh.

Watch them in succession if you can, and keep going, even if you don't like it, because there's gold in them thar hills.

That’s enough for now.
Alice needs a nap.

Love.

Forgivenes and the Blue Suede Shoes

If we dance for any length of time, we are bound to experience stepped on toes.

We will almost inevitably, at some point have our toes crushed by a well meaning, but momentarily miscalculating partner.

In turn, will no doubt, do the stepping on of someone else’s precious feet, though we mean them no harm.

What a metaphor for life!

It is annoying and sometimes painful when this happens. When I step on of your feet, I feel instant regret; “So sorry” or "Pardon" I might say sincerely.

You, in your graciousness, say “No worries.” And we continue the dance.

Vice versa is true when it is you who accidentally chips the color on my freshly painted toenails.

We don’t take it personally when a Tango partner steps on our feet. We don’t hold a grudge over it, or think “this lead is hurting me on purpose.” We give them the same grace that has been given to us by others.

The Lord’s Prayer asks to, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

The Course in Miracles states” The blameless cannot blame, and those who have accepted their innocence see nothing to forgive.”

A Buddhist Principle says” Have forgiveness in your heart for anything you think you've done wrong . Forgive yourself for all the past omissions and commissions. They are long gone. Understand that you were a different person and this one is forgiving that one that you were. Feel that forgiveness filling you and enveloping you with a sense of warmth and ease.

Mark Twain wrote, "Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."

I’m thinking on forgiveness this evening because I accidentally stepped on some toes in the Tango of Life.

I have been feeling sadness and regret over my sometimes clumsy walk through life, and at the same time, I know my heart has been operating from a place of sincerity, so I choose forgiveness for myself and dance on along my path.

To you who feel the pangs of pain from our dance, please know that I meant you no harm, and that I understand the same is true for you.

I was simply dancing my Tango at my current level of development. 

I have learned some lessons, which I hope will prevent the same missteps into future.

Namaste,
Leela

Grasping with an open hand

It’s different for everyone; the thing that propels us toward our most aware self.

It has been a long time coming for me to do some serious healing around the issue of relationships and the microcosm of Argentine Tango is teaching me much about the dance of life and how I relate to others.

At a Milonga, we say “yes” to an experience with someone on the dance floor. Of course, there is a hope there will be a meeting of energies that will allow TANGO to live and do it’s thing.

That “thing” is about the synergy we create together to allow a third thing to happen that is bigger than the “lead” or “follow” in the dance.

When it works, it’s divine. Yummy. It’s being Present and Alive in The Now in a way I had not experienced until Tango.

When it doesn’t work, it can be somewhat painful. There is a longing for connection, but the only way to allow the connection is to LET GO of anything that happened prior to the disconnection, get back in the now, and go from here.

We breathe. Come back to center. Reconnect. And Tango on.

That’s fairly easily done in a Tanda, but in a romantic relationship, it’s a bit more challenging.

It can be tough to let go of hurt feelings, open our hearts to one another, and dance forward.

For me, there is typically no sadness or sense of loss at the end of a Tanda, because the door to each other remains open for future dances (unless one of us has severely offended the other). There is only Gratitude for the experience and lessons learned during the dance.

In relationships, we tend to clench when the music ends. We grip and cry and mourn our lovers leaving. We wonder why it didn’t work. We often try to place blame.

But we learn something from every single dance.
We learn something from every single love.
Thus, every experience of loving is a gift.

We are enriched each time we engage in one another’s dance, and we share the gifts we have been given with others.

The Sage I lived with for years often reminded me of the concept of “grasping with an open hand.”

It’s tough to do, but I’m seeing more and more for myself that it is not just a nifty Spiritual saying, but also a means of survival. Better still, it’s a means to thrive.

Tango shows me, once again, a mirror for myself.

Some days I feel like a mess, and I dance through it.
Some days I want to hide in a cave, and I dance through it.
Some days there is a melancholy hanging over me like a cloud, and I dance through it.

Whatever distraction from the NOW seems to dissipate by the end of the Milonga when I’ve found my way back home to myself.

Tango has become more than a hobby for me.
It is a sacred practice as holy as yoga or meditation.
It is the constant that sees me through both sunny weather and stormy days.

All of this to arrive at the conclusion that the most important relationship we have in our life, is the one with ourselves.

When we get clear with that one, the relationships with others will begin to take a clearer, healthier, more purposeful shape.