Grasping with an open hand

It’s different for everyone; the thing that propels us toward our most aware self.

It has been a long time coming for me to do some serious healing around the issue of relationships and the microcosm of Argentine Tango is teaching me much about the dance of life and how I relate to others.

At a Milonga, we say “yes” to an experience with someone on the dance floor. Of course, there is a hope there will be a meeting of energies that will allow TANGO to live and do it’s thing.

That “thing” is about the synergy we create together to allow a third thing to happen that is bigger than the “lead” or “follow” in the dance.

When it works, it’s divine. Yummy. It’s being Present and Alive in The Now in a way I had not experienced until Tango.

When it doesn’t work, it can be somewhat painful. There is a longing for connection, but the only way to allow the connection is to LET GO of anything that happened prior to the disconnection, get back in the now, and go from here.

We breathe. Come back to center. Reconnect. And Tango on.

That’s fairly easily done in a Tanda, but in a romantic relationship, it’s a bit more challenging.

It can be tough to let go of hurt feelings, open our hearts to one another, and dance forward.

For me, there is typically no sadness or sense of loss at the end of a Tanda, because the door to each other remains open for future dances (unless one of us has severely offended the other). There is only Gratitude for the experience and lessons learned during the dance.

In relationships, we tend to clench when the music ends. We grip and cry and mourn our lovers leaving. We wonder why it didn’t work. We often try to place blame.

But we learn something from every single dance.
We learn something from every single love.
Thus, every experience of loving is a gift.

We are enriched each time we engage in one another’s dance, and we share the gifts we have been given with others.

The Sage I lived with for years often reminded me of the concept of “grasping with an open hand.”

It’s tough to do, but I’m seeing more and more for myself that it is not just a nifty Spiritual saying, but also a means of survival. Better still, it’s a means to thrive.

Tango shows me, once again, a mirror for myself.

Some days I feel like a mess, and I dance through it.
Some days I want to hide in a cave, and I dance through it.
Some days there is a melancholy hanging over me like a cloud, and I dance through it.

Whatever distraction from the NOW seems to dissipate by the end of the Milonga when I’ve found my way back home to myself.

Tango has become more than a hobby for me.
It is a sacred practice as holy as yoga or meditation.
It is the constant that sees me through both sunny weather and stormy days.

All of this to arrive at the conclusion that the most important relationship we have in our life, is the one with ourselves.

When we get clear with that one, the relationships with others will begin to take a clearer, healthier, more purposeful shape.