Alice Found The Rabbit Hole Before She Found Tango

One whom I can only guess as a “Tango Purist” recently criticized me, rather harshly, for the content of this blog.

Today I smiled when it occurred to me that the critic was indeed correct in one particular observation within what could be viewed in it's entirety as a laundry list rant.

I wanted to remove the comment, which contains hateful slurs and profanity, just as I would help paint over graffiti on the side of my local community center.

I felt that it does not serve us to see messages of sarcasm and hate when they are already so available to us each night on the evening news and in other forms in daily life.

Then, a teacher I respect a great deal made another comment which taught me a valuable lesson about bringing light into the shadows so we can illuminate our differences, and hopefully rise above personal agenda to embrace one another in all of our human-foible-glory.

My intention here is to promote and inspire healing, growth, love, insight, acceptance, connection, humor, and love... "The Greatest is Love."

This blog is not as much about Tango itself, as it is about one woman’s observations of life through an individual lens, strongly colored by loves of philosophy, various wisdom traditions, psychology, relationships, and Argentine Tango with the metaphors it reveals about living and personal growth.

“Tango Down The Rabbit Hole” is as much about Tango as “The Legend of Bagger Vance” is about golf; that's the point... see?

=)

It’s tough for me to say when this venture began since it feels as if it began centuries ago. From John 1:1-2 of The New Testament of The Bible, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.”

Whenever this journey Down The Rabbit Hole began for me, one stop along the way, before I’d even heard of Argentine Tango, was at a lovely space called The Center For Positive Living in Charlotte, NC.

One evening I had the opportunity to share some thoughts about this and that in a lovely exchange with one of the most Gracious audiences I’ve ever met.

Here is a small snippet from that evening. I hope you enjoy it.

Love,
Leela

Grace and Loving the Dance of Life

At the end of a life, what did it all mean?

Was it about attaining an unattainable idea of perfection, or in seeing the perfection in the unfolding of our imperfect lives?

I will never win an Olympic Gold medal in swimming, but I love to jump in the pool and enjoy the sensation of cool water kissing my skin.

It would be a tragedy for me to deny myself the pleasure of swimming, simply because I’m no Michael Phelps.

The same is true for my expression of Argentine Tango.

I love to dance; love the Milonga; love the music, the embrace, and the presence I feel of being in The Now, when I listen to my partner and follow to the best of my ability in a given moment.

There are those who dance to attain perfection of motion. They want to be “the best”, and I love to watch them dance. It is amazing to see world-class performers in action. It takes my breath away, and I give them due applause.

There are those who dance simply to find connection. They are less interested in innovative footwork than in an exchange of energy, which brings them a deeper understanding of themselves.

Sometimes the two desires are one and Tango is allowed to move at full throttle. This is magic!

For a time, I was feeling a self-imposed pressure to attain “perfection” with Tango. I danced nearly every night and became obsessed with my growth.

I wanted to be “good enough” to dance with all of the best leads.

I became judgmental of my current level of development and thought, “I just need to work harder; be more dedicated; improve!”

Then one night I had the pleasure of experiencing GRACE in action as I was dancing with an advanced leader who could dance circles around me, if he had chosen to do so.

I was having an “off night” to begin with, and our pairing was uneven, to say the least.

He moved swiftly and precisely with an easy flow of motion, while I was stumbling, sluggish, and leaning too much for him to have any real freedom of movement.

I began to tense-up. Judge. Worry. Fear.

But anytime I stumbled or made a misstep, he playfully sang, “wheeeeee” in my ear, as if we were on a ride at an amusement park.

This made me laugh and helped facilitate self-forgiveness, and a release from the grip of self-judgment.

The Grace he offered was a gift, which reminded me that the journey of development is fun, and judgment has no place in the process.

This is not to be confused with assessment, which IS necessary when developing a craft. What I am referring to is a tearing down of one’s self and others. It serves no one.

I might never become a world class Tanguera, but I so enjoy the journey, the music, and the friendships I am making in the process of my growth, and there is a kind of beautiful perfection in this realization.

As in Tango, so it is in Life.

I am far from perfect. There are plenty who could attest to this fact.

I make mistakes, stumble, fall, cry, mourn, shake my fists at the heavens at times, and ask, “WHY….?”

Then I hear Spirit sing a playful song, “Wheeeeee,” and remember that the joy of living is not in having a “perfect life,” but in being love and embracing the moment with all of it’s imperfect perfection.

Dancing with the Shadow

In the Tango of Life, we dance in and out of the roles of student and teacher, leader and follower, all with much to share - all with much to learn.

The Rabbit Hole only goes down as far as we are willing to let ourselves venture.

We are given opportunities to experience moments of true valor, recognizing that we are the heroes of our own story. We pull ourselves up out of the mire and muck and consciously choose to stand in the fire of our own evolution.

If we are ever to rise from the ashes, we must first burn.

We also have the choice, along the path; to slow down our own progress by playing it safe and shutting down to personal growth, which is perfectly understandable and necessary for “self preservation” at times.

Hiding feels comfortable; good for a while, but our issues always have a way of showing up and asking us to dance, and sooner or later, if we want change in our life experience, we will accept the invitation.

At some point we will be confronted by the darkness, which for many of us has been keeping us from living our most spectacular life.

We’ve all heard that “it takes two to tango,” and if life is a Milonga, one dance partner who has much to teach us is our own Shadow Side.

The Shadow Self has been asking me to dance for days, and I’ve been avoiding the cabaseo of familiar childhood wounds, which are demanding to be recognized and healed.

It seems much easier to avoid the pain by looking away from the shadow, than to lock eyes and move toward the mirror of self-discovery.

Carl Jung said, “That which we resist, persists,” and The Shadow Side can only be denied a dance for so long.

Eventually, if we want our lives to improve, we must deal with our own darkness.

It is easy to blame others when things go awry. We can point, accuse and blame, but at the end of the day, if we want our lives to improve, we must acknowledge the role we have played in the unfolding of our own story.

The victim archetype is persistent in its demand to be heard, and for years, I identified with the role. It was easy, since I felt “victimized” as a child.

There was abuse, which colors the way I view the world, and there were bright and shining moments that contribute to my joi de vie. I think this must be true for everyone.

To confront the shadow side is to loosen the grip of our internal cogs and move more freely into our best life, but the only way to do this is acknowledge the cabaseo, bravely take The Shadow's hand, and accept the invitation to dance.